Saturday, September 5, 2009
I can literally tell you that I was living a high. Crack couldn't have delivered the same sublime happiness I felt knowing that my son was at a zero eos count and enjoying foods. Although, the one caveat issued to us by Zane's doctor did creap in the back of my mind: "We don't know how long his remission will last." I tried to ignore the background worrying noise and just espouse an "enjoy it while it lasts" mentality. That's kinda hard to do sometimes.
I did notice that Zane still had stomach aches (which the doctor suggested he may be faking). He's not! I also noticed that Zane was slowly eating less and less food. He was getting pickier and pickier about his meals. I wasn't sure if the novelty of eating wore off already and his toddler instincts were picking back up where they were supposed to be OR that he was beginning to get sick again. I also noticed that he began coughing again at night on occassions which concerned me. But, I blew it off.
Until finally last Thursday Zane began vomiting again. Today he vomited everytime he ate something. He asked me, "Mommy, please don't make me eat food anymore." I said, "Fine. But, then you have to start drinking more formula again." He ignored me. I was proud (only the way an eos mom can be) because he did throw up in the bucket or toilet a few times as opposed to the floor or carpet.
Now, it appears we are back on an elemental diet only because Zane won't eat anymore. When he is feeling better we can begin to reintroduce a couple of foods back into his diet. We are thinking possibly doing 3 - 5 foods gradually along with his formula intake. To be honest, I am happy with just 3 - 5 foods as long as he is eating SOMETHING and getting a chance to socialize with us and others without food becoming taboo. It looks as though we've come full circle.
What a rollercoaster ride this has been though. The highs are really high. And the lows . . . well I'm sure you can imagine the heartbreak we feel that our little boy can't eat like everyone else can. But, he is such a trooper and even after he vomits he still has the biggest smile on his face. And his eyes just light up the room for me. He is my biggest hero and my biggest source of inspiration. I've learned so much from him and from this disease and even though I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I know that everything happens for a reason. I'll accept whatever gets thrown my way and deal with it the best that I can. I still feel incredibly lucky that I am his mother.